Confidence…
I don’t think I was aware of ‘confidence’ as a concept until I was in my mid-twenties. I thought acting cool was where it was at – trying to be like Mickey Rourke! I remember a boss saying to me once I should be more confident in meetings, and he gave me some examples of people who were (and they weren’t even a tiny bit cool – wtf!). My takeaway from this was that I should speak in a stronger, deeper voice and sound very certain in what I was talking about (practically the opposite of the Mickey Rourke mumble I was cultivating). I carried this perception of confidence with me then for quite a few years.
I’ve since learnt to be very wary of people who sound very sure of themselves and have, no doubt, grown up loving the sound of their own voice. Beware those inflicted with the Dunning Kruger syndrome — where people overestimate their knowledge and abilities. It’s often those who are most convinced they know it all who turn out to know very little!
As a coach ‘confidence’ is something that will often come up in discussions, such as ‘I need to be more confident, or’ I wish I was more confident’. And here is the great thing about confidence, it’s not something you are born with – it’s something you can develop. It’s built through experience, learning, and mastery over time. We can all grow our confidence by pushing ourselves a bit further and overcoming challenges
In fact, I think it is way better to develop confidence from a humble starting point. People who come across as naturally confident are also more likely to have a fixed mindset and avoid risks or challenges that could threaten their perceived abilities.
Confidence in meetings will come from doing the work, preparing and practising what to say in advance, thinking of the questions you’ll ask beforehand. Not from genetics or a deep voice.
We also don’t need to be certain all the time. Confidence isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about being comfortable with not knowing everything, showing vulnerability and being able to laugh at ourselves. Genuine self-confidence will come when you are true to yourself rather than trying to project a picture of perfection (or of Mickey Rourke!).
So, next time you're feeling unsure of yourself, remember: confidence is built through experience, self-awareness and even making mistakes. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone—it’s a great way to build lasting confidence.